today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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