I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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