he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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