They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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