god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
