I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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