My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
