Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
