how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
