I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
