Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
