my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
