from now on my penis is your penis
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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