So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
