I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
