I wanna bring you to show and tell
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
