My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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