Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my fart just growled at me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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