New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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