Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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