moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
