So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
