Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
