Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
