I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
