I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
