How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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