Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
