My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
