I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
