The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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