Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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