is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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