There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
