So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
