I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
