you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
