Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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