So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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