What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
