I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
