I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
