pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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