WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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