Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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