Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize