my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
