I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He passed out mid-signature
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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