OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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