Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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