i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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