do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
