I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
