I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
