One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
