Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
