What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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