i think my tv is drunk
I looked at my own cervix.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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