I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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