We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
