haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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