Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Such a big mess for such a small penis
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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