pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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