when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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