Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
