Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Jerry, you need to find god
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
