they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
