yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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