Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
