Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
