Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
