Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
that's an acceptable place to lick
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
