Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
