Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
