wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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