If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
