i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
