She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Text me some of your sweat
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