i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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