i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
