I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
