If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
